Since 2021 is the first year that I actually updated my website, I didn’t write down my thoughts as the year began like I now intend to moving forward. Still, I can remember the amount of hope I felt going into the year. 2020 was going to be the year of vision (it’s 👓 20/20, after all).

The word I heard as I prayed for the year was “Fulfillment.” I felt that was right, too. With Journeyage off and running and my role at ETW expanding, I held high hopes for 2020, thinking it would be my Best. Year. Ever.

Psalm 20:4-7 was the verse I had chosen to go along with my word:

May he grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans! May we shout for joy over your salvation, and in the name of our God set up our banners! May the LORD fulfill all your petitions! Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed; he will answer him from his holy heaven with the saving might of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

As with years before it, I also wrote down a handful of people and groups in whom I wanted to intentionally direct my time and energy.

Unfortunately, 2020 didn’t exactly go how I—or the world—had hoped. We were all in for a surprise.

2020 is one of those societally traumatic years that we’ll all remember. It’s like asking, “Where were you on 9/11?” Everybody (that was alive then) has a story. The same could be said about 2020.

My answer would probably sound something like this: “I was crying in Angerville.”

I experienced more anger and grief than I can ever remember encountering. My heart ached—and I shed the tears to prove it. My voice was compelled to speak. Relationships were tested in response. And my emotional wellbeing was pushed to the limit.

But amid it all, I felt the comfort of the Lord there. It was His anger and grief I was feeling more than anything, and that gave me great solace despite the intense discomfort.

The post that probably best summarizes what I want people to know leaving the year was what I communicated in my letter of confession and invitation to the church. Ever since George Floyd’s murder, I immediately heard the word “Partiality” as I prayed. That’s the word that was imprinted upon my spirit and which I have tried to illuminate for others in response. Turns out that God isn’t partial—imagine that.

I can’t say the year was all bad, of course. There was lots of growth and encouragement to experience, much of which I pointed out in my highs for the year. Nicole and I both benefited from individually starting therapy this year. We celebrated her 40th birthday, not to mention our 15th wedding anniversary. My companies, Journeyage and ETW, did better than ever under the conditions. And even amid the lockdowns, my family and I enjoyed a decent amount of vacation here and there.

While my habits and routines took a beating in 2020, I’m glad for everything I learned and the people that loved me through the ups and down that came with the year. I’m especially thankful for my church community and the encouragement and support they offered all the way through. For those of you who encouraged me personally, publicly, and privately, thank you, thank you, thank you.

While I’m not fully sure where my word “Fulfillment” came into play, I do know that the Lord worked in (and even through) me over the course of the year, as He always does. It felt like He was fulfilling His word to continue authoring and finishing me, which is a promise I know He will see through to the very end, no matter what it takes.

As with any year before it—but especially 2020—I am left knowing this: Jesus and Jesus alone is the Hope of the world. Praise God for that.